biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
