just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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