i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
