she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
