I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
