I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
