Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
