youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
