She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
