So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
