And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
