Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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