You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
