Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
