Buhtt sex?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
