Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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