How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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