Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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