Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
this hospital has no fireball
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
