Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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