I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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