after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's the barista slut.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
