My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
