dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
