I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
