you traded sex for a burrito?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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