It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
