I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
