its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
