Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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