No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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