Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
