The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
