someone get that fucking seahorse.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
