Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
