The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
