yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
