i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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