I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
