I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
