walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
