I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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