The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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