I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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