woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
