Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How external is "for external use only"?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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