Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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