I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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