you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
