My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
