i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
