I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The adults are the big ones right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
