I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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