fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
