The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
